This tiny, duck-footed slimeball hides in your fridge and makes all your food taste slightly of fish which is, of course, the absolute worst thing for anything to taste slightly of.
art
Beastlies: The Very Slender Man
The myth of The Slender Man is very well known. He is a long man with the uncanny ability to appear unrealistic in old photoshops. And now, terrifyingly, reports are now trickling in of this, The Very Slender Man, who is, apparently a bit slenderer, and even less realistic.
I am yet to be convinced of the veracity of these sightings. I think he’s on stilts, and I’m pretty sure those are just long, empty sleeves with gloves stitched stitched to the end of them.
Fair enough, his face does appear to be a massive hole filled with teeth but a commited hoaxer could have carved that hole into his own head using a spoon or something. Yeah, I’m not buying it.
Beastlies: Bobby Mahogany
A suave little sprite, Bobby Mahogany dwells in large furniture stores and whispers suggestively into visiting ladies’ ears: “oh, wouldst not that chest of drawers look delicious in thy bedroom?” or “my sweet, thou hast only been in here for an hour, why not look at all the chests of drawers again?” or “of course, a lady canst never have too many chests of drawers.”
But a lady CAN have too many chests of drawers. He’s evil. Pure evil.
Beastlies: Jonjo the Startler
You may have heard of “elementals” – powerful entities born of fire, water, air or earth. Jonjo was born of the element of surprise. You absolutely won’t be expecting him to pop up in your kitchen or bathroom, and you certainly won’t be expecting him to shout “MERINGUE!” right in your face, but that’s what he will do.
Of course, now you’ve read this, and you are expecting him to do it, he won’t. Ever. Surprise!
Beastlies: The Probiotic Yoggoth
The Probiotic Yoggoth looks awful and tastes even worse, but if you can swallow a Yoggoth whole it will eliminate any stomach problems you may have, by eating your stomach. It will then eliminate any kidney problems, liver problems and, ultimately, any problems you may be experiencing or causing for other people. Useful.
Beastlies: The Furry Perdling
If you have lost something, and you say this simple rhyme:
O Perdling, O Perdling
Won’t you help me find this thing?
…then up to seven business days later the Perdling will email you a series of questions, such as”where did you see it last?” or “is it in your pocket?”
Five days after that it will appear and point somewhere that the item definitely isn’t, to help you eliminate that area from your enquiries.
Then it will eat its way into your face and lay its furry eggs in your brain. Basically, don’t say the rhyme, is what I’m getting at.
The Harris + Hughes Exhibition Preview
Mr Hughes made this, as a teaser for June’s show at Peg Powler, and also for issue 3 of The Story of Grass. Just look at the art! That’s what the inside of Hughes’ head looks like.
The preview is running at Peg Powler all month, every Tuesday night. It opened tonight and it was weird and fun watching people look at our stuff.
We spent two days working on this pinboard. Yeah.
And people seemed to like it (especially after I had scribbled out the two c-bombs which had accidentally found their way under a picture of Jeremy Clarkson. Oops. It’s all PG13 now).
Art: pinboards and dogs playing poker up a tree are totally of the now, man. Go and take a look…
The Art of The Story of Grass
This month at Peg Powler Gallery in Stockton there will be a preview of forthcoming attractions. One of those forthcoming attractions is The Story of Grass Exhibition which will be running in June. Mr Hughes and myself are really, really looking forward to seeing it, cos we haven’t got a fucking clue what it will look like. It’ll probably involve pictures and words in some way. We have big plans! We’re going to buy some frames and put stuff in them – that’s what artists do, isn’t it? And we’d like some boxes people can open too. Anyway:
April 13th, 20th, 27th : Peg Powler Preview Show
Find out more about Peg Powler Gallery, hang out, draw, make a zine, meet people and check out our art library over a cuppa.
I will see you there, will I?
Art
(thanks to the credit crunch, this picture is only worth 903 words. Here are the other 97 I owe you…)
I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like. Sausages. I bloody love sausages. I hate art. It’s just pictures and that, innit?
Call me old fashioned, but to me art should be crudely rendered representations of buffalo and large-breasted fertility goddesses drawn on cave walls in crushed-beetle dye and mammoth poo.
Although I do actually admire the work of the Italian renaissance artists, Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Botticcelli, Pontormo, Bronzino, Campanelle, Fusille, Penne, Rigatoni, Macaroni… um…
…actually I think some of those might be pasta shapes.
Man. Who’s hungry? I fancy a sausage.
Ramshackle Charm 