(thanks to the credit crunch, this picture is only worth 903 words. Here are the other 97 I owe you…)

I don’t know much about art, but I know what I like. Sausages. I bloody love sausages. I hate art. It’s just pictures and that, innit?

Call me old fashioned, but to me art should be crudely rendered representations of buffalo and large-breasted fertility goddesses drawn on cave walls in crushed-beetle dye and mammoth poo.

Although I do actually admire the work of the Italian renaissance artists, Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Botticcelli, Pontormo, Bronzino, Campanelle, Fusille, Penne, Rigatoni, Macaroni… um…

…actually I think some of those might be pasta shapes.

Man. Who’s hungry? I fancy a sausage.