Treat level has today been raised to “cake”, the second-highest level of treat there is. This doesn’t mean you will have cake tomorrow, nor that anyone has mentioned getting you a cake, nor that anyone you know will have cake. We’re not even 100% certain that cake actually exists at this point.
Look, stop thinking about cake would you? You’re cake daft, the lot of you.
Heavy Petting are off to Edinburgh for the third time. And have we got a show for you!? Hard to say, really, but we definitely have this flyer. I roused my lazy arse and wrote some new classifieds after coasting on the same ones for two years (including a very ill-advised advert for Lindsay Lohan’s vagina that I found funny but everyone else… not so much).
It’s just as well we changed it: Lindsay Lohan’s vagina is probably really unfashionable by now. I don’t know, it’s quite hard to keep up with these things.