It’s nearly a narwhal. Sadly, because it looks a bit like a sausage on a stick, and it tastes a bit like a sausage on a stick, the nearwhal used to be very popular, and is now very rare.
Usually found at parties, stuck face down in a foil-covered potato.
One scarier than a tentacled thing.
You may have heard of “elementals” – powerful entities born of fire, water, air or earth. Jonjo was born of the element of surprise. You absolutely won’t be expecting him to pop up in your kitchen or bathroom, and you certainly won’t be expecting him to shout “MERINGUE!” right in your face, but that’s what he will do.
Of course, now you’ve read this, and you are expecting him to do it, he won’t. Ever. Surprise!
If you have lost something, and you say this simple rhyme:
O Perdling, O Perdling
Won’t you help me find this thing?
…then up to seven business days later the Perdling will email you a series of questions, such as”where did you see it last?” or “is it in your pocket?”
Five days after that it will appear and point somewhere that the item definitely isn’t, to help you eliminate that area from your enquiries.
Then it will eat its way into your face and lay its furry eggs in your brain. Basically, don’t say the rhyme, is what I’m getting at.
That word you thought was on the tip of your tongue? It’s not. It’s on the tip of Cheryl’s. She sticks her tongue into your head and steals the word from you, swallowing it whole. Then, two days later, when it’s of no use to you, she regurgitates it and and spits it back into your brain. She’s a complete… a total… oh, what’s the word…
Interestingly, despite its name, the Spiny Panteater is fluffy and eats socks. Note: it is not to be confused with the Fluffy Sockeater, which is scaly and eats babies.