A suave little sprite, Bobby Mahogany dwells in large furniture stores and whispers suggestively into visiting ladies’ ears: “oh, wouldst not that chest of drawers look delicious in thy bedroom?” or “my sweet, thou hast only been in here for an hour, why not look at all the chests of drawers again?” or “of course, a lady canst never have too many chests of drawers.”
But a lady CAN have too many chests of drawers. He’s evil. Pure evil.
You may have heard of “elementals” – powerful entities born of fire, water, air or earth. Jonjo was born of the element of surprise. You absolutely won’t be expecting him to pop up in your kitchen or bathroom, and you certainly won’t be expecting him to shout “MERINGUE!” right in your face, but that’s what he will do.
Of course, now you’ve read this, and you are expecting him to do it, he won’t. Ever. Surprise!
The Probiotic Yoggoth looks awful and tastes even worse, but if you can swallow a Yoggoth whole it will eliminate any stomach problems you may have, by eating your stomach. It will then eliminate any kidney problems, liver problems and, ultimately, any problems you may be experiencing or causing for other people. Useful.
If you have lost something, and you say this simple rhyme:
O Perdling, O Perdling
Won’t you help me find this thing?
…then up to seven business days later the Perdling will email you a series of questions, such as”where did you see it last?” or “is it in your pocket?”
Five days after that it will appear and point somewhere that the item definitely isn’t, to help you eliminate that area from your enquiries.
Then it will eat its way into your face and lay its furry eggs in your brain. Basically, don’t say the rhyme, is what I’m getting at.
Interestingly, despite its name, the Spiny Panteater is fluffy and eats socks. Note: it is not to be confused with the Fluffy Sockeater, which is scaly and eats babies.