Beastlies: The Very Slender Man

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The myth of The Slender Man is very well known. He is a long man with the uncanny ability to appear unrealistic in old photoshops. And now, terrifyingly, reports are now trickling in of this, The Very Slender Man, who is, apparently a bit slenderer, and even less realistic.

I am yet to be convinced of the veracity of these sightings. I think he’s on stilts, and I’m pretty sure those are just long, empty sleeves with gloves stitched stitched to the end of them.

Fair enough, his face does appear to be a massive hole filled with teeth but a commited hoaxer could have carved that hole into his own head using a spoon or something. Yeah, I’m not buying it.

Beastlies: Bobby Mahogany

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A suave little sprite, Bobby Mahogany dwells in large furniture stores and whispers suggestively into visiting ladies’ ears: “oh, wouldst not that chest of drawers look delicious in thy bedroom?” or “my sweet, thou hast only been in here for an hour, why not look at all the chests of drawers again?” or “of course, a lady canst never have too many chests of drawers.”

But a lady CAN have too many chests of drawers. He’s evil. Pure evil.

Friday’s Short Story: The Ghost of Dave

storyteller Harry had definitely gone to bed drunk, and he had certainly eaten a lot of cheese. These were two facts: solid, uncontroversial, the kind of truths you could rap your knuckle on.

“I am a bit drunk, and I have eaten far too much cheese on toast,” he said out loud, but the ghost just stared at him, impassively.

He had never seen a ghost before. He didn’t believe in ghosts. These were also facts. Stating facts was helping prevent him from panicking. Continue reading

Beastlies: Jonjo the Startler

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You may have heard of “elementals”  – powerful entities born of fire, water, air or earth. Jonjo was born of the element of surprise. You absolutely won’t be expecting him to pop up in your kitchen or bathroom, and you certainly won’t be expecting him to shout “MERINGUE!” right in your face, but that’s what he will do.

Of course, now you’ve read this, and you are expecting him to do it, he won’t. Ever. Surprise!

Beastlies: The Probiotic Yoggoth

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The Probiotic Yoggoth looks awful and tastes even worse, but if you can swallow a Yoggoth whole it will eliminate any stomach problems you may have, by eating your stomach. It will then eliminate any kidney problems, liver problems and, ultimately, any problems you may be experiencing or causing for other people. Useful.