British vaginas are set to donate a whopping £12million to charity thanks to new measures announced by Chancellor George Osborne in his eighth budget.
Instead of abolishing the tampon tax, he has pledged to take the money currently levied on luxury items such as tampons and sanitary towels, and donate it to charities affecting women, such as Breast Cancer Care.
Osborne defended the move, saying “If you choose to own a vagina, you are much more likely to develop breast cancer, it’s perfectly logical
“It’s important that women are empowered to pay for their own cancer care. As for the more masculine cancers, well, it’s important that women chip in for those too.
“I don’t know, I am so high right now,” he added.
A spokesperson for one vagina hailed the move, saying: “I think it’s fantastic that vaginas finally get a chance to contribute something useful to society.
“I don’t think there’s any doubt that vaginas have played a large part in our current population crisis. It’s payback time.”
In a statement George Osborne said: “It brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘cash flow’
“But seriously, I think we can be proud that Britain’s vaginas are among the most generous in the world, which is ironic for a country currently governed by a bunch of greedy cunts.”