The Abominable Man
Look at that haircut. I mean, just look at it. I don’t care how tall you are (three stories) or how often you clamber down from your home in the mountains to devour a whole town full of people once a year (quite often) or how likely you are to actually exist (???), that haircut is the worst. I bet you’ve got two arms full of ill-conceived tattoos under that rank, probably moustache-waxed, fur haven’t you? And I bet you take two hours to make an eminently Instagrammable £7 cup of coffee in some trendy cafe up in those mountains don’t you? Fucking hell, your whole body is made of beard! You abominable man.