Why does he climb the mountain? The answer may surprise you.
blather
Homeopathic Joke
Inventor of homeopathy, Samuel Hahnemann, drawn in homeopathic ink.
I wrote a fairly ordinary, almost amusing joke (you know, my usual), and cut up the 14 words, put them in a large bag and added another 1, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 words. This took a while. I then shook the bag and took out 14 words at random. Naturally these 14 words had retained the “memory” of my original joke, while the laws of Infinitesimals and Successions (ie diluting and jiggling) should have made my joke much more hilarious than it was in its raw, undiluted, unjiggled form. My joke had been “potentised”. But was it funnier? Here is my potentised joke:
Parents yard head drummer, subject the organisations took that intermittent previously patterns? Chinese quality!
Hmm. It worked!
Big Bird
Early Henson Workshop design for the popular Sesame Street character Big Bird. 'Yeah, it was rejected for being weird and frightening and making Frank Oz cry,' laughed Jim Henson in a 1972 interview, 'But boy, I tell ya, the kids would have learned to fucking read.'
From The Story of Grass by Harris and Hughes, 28 pages of words and pictures and the spaces between them, coming soon from Aloha Ino Press.
Right Wing Clown
MAN-MADE CLIMATE CHANGE? SNOW SUCH THING.
I notice that it snowed last week. So much for global warming.
Perhaps it’s time we take these so-called scientists and fill their trousers with custard until they accept that sunspots, speed cameras and the BBC licence fee are to blame.
*****
BAA BAA BASTARDS
So I expect some council somewhere has probably decided that some nursery rhyme or other should be banned or changed so it’s all about Muslims or same-sex marriage or something.
You couldn’t make it up!
These looney lefties should be rounded up so I can pretend to throw a bucket of water over them, only the bucket would actually be full of confetti. And then I’d reintroduce National Service, hanging and Sunday Night at the Royal Palladium.
*****
GORDON McBROWN MORE LIKE!
Is it just me or is Gordon Brown Scottish?
A soda siphon in the face is too good for him!
*****
RUNG ‘UNS
Asylum seekers? I would stand next to them and I would have a ladder over my shoulder and I would turn clockwise and they would see the ladder coming and duck, but then I would turn anti-clockwise and the ladder would hit them in the back of the head and they would fall over.
And then I would involuntarily repatriate them.
*****
KEEP IT CLEAN
So Mr Sheen is polish.
What’s wrong with shining up your table with english?
It’s another symptom of broken Britain. I see Princess Diana is still dead, too.
Honk honk.
Cameron Gets Tough
Tough talk from the child-headed Thatcher-lite empathiser.
Pointless Prequels
New prequels coming soooooon*:
although for sheer pointlessness none of them could beat
Eh? Eh? Am I right? Eh? See what I did there…
*not really, they are just jokes.
The Pale Blue Dot
You are here.
Ah, sometimes it’s good to be reminded that we all live on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam, don’t you think?
There is more poetry and inspiration in the science of Carl Sagan than there is in any religious text I have read or heard. There is music in his words. But this time, no autotune! Thank you Jesus.
Finding Ramshackle Charm
WordPress has a little stats doohickey which shows me what people have searched for to find this blog. It’s always interesting to see how people have stumbled across my little oasis of inconsequence. And today…
Um. Goodness. I can only imagine that was one disappointed browser.
Move On
A lesson for us all.
The Science of Music
A proposed series of experiments designed to test the scientific validity of Britain’s songwriters.
Experiment 1.
THE HYPOTHESIS
That the lyric “slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball” is not only coke-addled, cod-psychedelic whimsy of the very worst kind, and so irritating that I’m still furious about it 14 years after I first heard it, but that it’s also unworkable in a universe of Newtonian physics.
MATERIALS
Noel Gallagher, 1 Cannon, 1 Cannonball.
METHOD
We set Noel Gallagher walking down a hall as slowly as he likes. We load the cannon with gunpowder and a cannonball. We aim the cannon at Noel Gallagher. We fire the cannon.
PROBABLE RESULTS
General fun and merriment at the very least.
CONCLUSION
Somebody really needs to fund this experiment, in the interests of expanding human knowledge, and in the interests of expanding Noel Gallagher’s surface area all over a corridor. Come on!
FOLLOW-UP EXPERIMENT:
HYPOTHESIS: “You and I are gonna live forever.” MATERIALS: Liam Gallagher, 1 Cannon, 1 Cannonball.
ps this was my 200th post. Glad I used it for something worthwhile.
Ramshackle Charm 