MAN-MADE CLIMATE CHANGE? SNOW SUCH THING.

I notice that it snowed last week. So much for global warming.

Perhaps it’s time we take these so-called scientists and fill their trousers with custard until they accept that sunspots, speed cameras and the BBC licence fee are to blame.

*****

BAA BAA BASTARDS

So I expect some council somewhere has probably decided that some nursery rhyme or other should be banned or changed so it’s all about Muslims or same-sex marriage or something.

You couldn’t make it up!

These looney lefties should be rounded up so I can pretend to throw a bucket of water over them, only the bucket would actually be full of confetti. And then I’d reintroduce National Service, hanging and Sunday Night at the Royal Palladium.

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GORDON McBROWN MORE LIKE!

Is it just me or is Gordon Brown Scottish?

A soda siphon in the face is too good for him!

*****

RUNG ‘UNS

Asylum seekers? I would stand next to them and I would have a ladder over my shoulder and I would turn clockwise and they would see the ladder coming and duck, but then I would turn anti-clockwise and the ladder would hit them in the back of the head and they would fall over.

And then I would involuntarily repatriate them.

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KEEP IT CLEAN

So Mr Sheen is polish.

What’s wrong with shining up your table with english?

It’s another symptom of broken Britain. I see Princess Diana is still dead, too.

Honk honk.