An Imagined Conversation Between An Impatient Concert Promoter Keen to Get The Show Started And Ludwig Van Beethoven Towards The End Of His Life, Like In 1826 Or Sometime Round Then
Play!
Eh?
An Imagined Conversation Between An Impatient Concert Promoter Keen to Get The Show Started And Ludwig Van Beethoven Towards The End Of His Life, Like In 1826 Or Sometime Round Then
Play!
Eh?
I did a reading as part of Middlesbrough Literary Festival on Saturday afternoon. I video’d it and I miiiiiight put it on YouTube but on the other hand maybe it would be best if I didn’t and you imagined it was packed and I was great.
Anyway, they wanted short stories and poetry so I wrote this on Saturday morning.
Some Thoughts on Domestos
Domestos! Kills 99% of germs, it’s true,
But it kills 100% of rabbits too.
They don’t put that on the bottle, do they?
Ever wonder why? No? Well, OK,
But I have, and this is what I think:
It wouldn’t sell more bottles, ‘cos if you were standing by the sink
And you glanced towards the toilet and you saw a little bunny,
Sitting in the toilet bowl all twitchy, furry, funny,
Your first reaction wouldn’t be: “Hey Audrey, get the bleach!
And not that own-brand stuff this time, I think it’s time we teach
These furry u-bend trespassers that I will not be messed with.
Get. The. Domestos.” You wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t. Well, I did…
Just once, and my toilet bowl’s been free of rabbits since,
And my sink and lino floor are clear of dirty rabbit prints.
Oh, and also? Domestos kills 100% of tigers too.
I think. You’d have to use a lot of it. (I’m banned from the zoo.)