Dear The BBC,
I wish to complain about a programme I have heard about/read about (delete as applicable) in the Daily Express/Daily Mail.
I was outraged to hear/read that the programme featured a gay or gays being gay/that Jonathan Ross/some blacks/a political view I disagree with/lots of tits/not enough tits/two fucks and a cunt* and I wish to whinge on like a four-year-old who has accidentally stuck its favourite bit of Lego up its bumhole.
Waaah. Waaaaaaah. Waaah.
*Note: Two fucks and a cunt does not refer to the presenters of Top Gear, a programme which I regard as exactly the kind of thing the BBC should be making more of.